I have spent a lot of time recently feeling a bit lost… lost in my head… lost in my body… lost in life. Lost yet the clock is always ticking. There is so much going on around me that is just out of reach.
My motivation dwindles from day to day and I use all of my strength to get through each day as it comes. No plans or goals, just living. My mind often races through my thoughts too quick for me to process, leaving me confused about how I feel. The months have passed so quickly yet I feel like I have been standing still, watching life go by.
Although there are moments where I feel useless and defeated I refuse to give up. I try my best to keep smiling. It is so difficult to be positive when the pain runs through me and the fatigue leaves me unable to do anything. Both come hand in hand and it often feels like they are winning the battle that I never chose to fight. I have to dig deep in order to find the old me, now hiding from all of the chaos. The person that I used to be has been replaced by someone who has realised the true meaning of strength.
You often have to mourn the person you used to be before allowing yourself to grow and own who you are now. I know what it feels like to feel lost. To feel like no one understands, believing that you alone will have to fight but, when times get tough there will always people there to lend a helping hand. You are not alone even when you feel like you are the only one.
Fibromyalgia amongst other conditions can leave you feeling isolated but, allows true relationships to blossom while the others get lost along the way. You are left with a strong group of few rather than a large, weak group of many but, that is ok. Accept and express the painful feelings that you have. You’ve lost a part of you and that can’t be ignored. It may feel like you have no control over your life which is something I have felt many times but, you have control over how you handle the situation.
You are not defined by your illness, you have a story to tell, a history, a personality.
Staying yourself is all part of the battle.
Feeling lost and unsure is part of your path.