Fibromyalgia, Its like having a hangover only without the party

Over the last months I have found it difficult to sit and think of something to write. I have found myself on countless occasions sitting and staring blankly at the laptop, having forgot the idea that had popped into my head only moments earlier. During the month of August I have found it hard to distinguish whether I am having a good day or bad day and my memory has dwindled from day to day.

On the 24th August my little brother turned 18. For ages I had been looking forward to celebrating my brother’s birthday as he was never old enough to come out with me when I was spending various nights after work drinking until the early hours, not worrying about how I would feel the next day. Unfortunately, now that things have changed, as much as I was looking forward to going out on a Saturday night, I was also dreading it. The weeks prior I had to try and save up as much energy as I could to at least allow me to stay out for a few hours. I had to come off my medication for the day so that I could at least have a few drinks without being riddled with unwanted side effects. Coming off one of my tablets for as little as a day can cause severe withdrawal, much like a drug addict going cold turkey but, I was determined not to spend the evening drinking soft drinks surrounded by people enjoying the effects of alcohol. We started off in Camden which was as far as I had planned to go but, my brother had a VIP booth booked in a club in central London and I didn’t want to give up just yet.

I was surprised at how well I handled the evening as I managed to dance, sing, drink and feel like a relatively normal 22-year-old woman for the first time in ages.

However, the next morning I paid the price for having a great night as I spent the following day feeling exhausted, in pain and a far cry from what someone in their 20s should feel. If I was to listen to my body and not push myself too much then I would do even less than I am currently doing which, to be honest, is not a lot. I am turning 23 in a week’s time and I don’t know whether I have much to celebrate. I hope that this time next year I will be in a better position, that by some miracle I will be cured and my life can go back to normal but, honestly I am not very optimistic.

Birthdays, when you are chronically Ill, tend to highlight the fact that you are still ill. This time last year I had just quit my job and was enjoying a break that I was hoping would allow me to bounce back. Instead, a year on I am not in the best place physically or mentally and it is difficult not to feel upset about it. However, I will save my spoons for my birthday weekend and will enjoy celebrating with my loved ones 🙂

7 Comments Add yours

  1. LydiaA1614 says:

    I know the “I know how you feel” line gets pretty old in our circles, but I really do. Fibro is one of my issues, as is depression. I am feeling the effects of both right now and am bummed out because we are heading out to a concert tonight in a nearby (hour + drive) town. So that I don’t get too stiff before we even get into the venue, we are stopping for dinner on the way. I have been looking forward to this night for two months and now that it is here I am unsure, numb really. I still want to go, but it is just so much work. I rested yesterday, but didn’t get to sleep until 4am and up at 9:30. But I have been taking it easy all day and I am giving myself the next two days to recuperate.

    I decided a bit ago that I am tired of not living a life so I just put a plan in gear for whatever the event is. I figure out how many spoons will be used for the event and then figure out how much time before and after I will need. I even plan my clothes to fit both the occasion and my comfort level. I make sure I have meds with me, extra water, etc. I am even taking my special cushion for this one as the seats are really uncomfortable.

    Sorry this was so long but I wanted to give you some encouragement that it is all right to have some fun as long as we know about and plan for the consequences. It is all about trade-offs!

    BTW, an early Happy Birthday!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. How was your concert? I hope you managed to enjoy it without being too tired. I know what you mean about having to plan before and after an event to ensure that you are capable of doing what you want to. I have decided that i would rather be tired and in pain for a good reason than to feel that way after not doing anything. It makes you feel like you have managed to accomplish something whether it be big or small. Obviously sometimes you need to rest and spend the day looking after yourself. It can be frustrating having to pick an outfit for comfort as some clothes can be painful to wear as we are so sensitive.
      Its fine, thank you for leaving a comment. I like to read about how other people cope with the condition and how they manage there time.
      You are right, we deserve to have fun but, have to make sure we look after ourselves too.
      I am always hear for a chat 🙂
      Thank you

      Liked by 1 person

      1. LydiaA1614 says:

        Thanks, Jodie. The concert was great. There were a lot of frustrations before it started but I will be writing about my “adventure” ;-). Once the music started I was able to just enjoy myself. So, if you are interested, stop on over later today and hear all about it! Likewise, I am always available. It is good to have people how really “get it”.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. No problem. Im glad you managed to enjoy it. We all deserve a night out to enjoy ourselves. Yes I look forward to reading it 🙂 thank you. Yes it is.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Donna says:

    I can totally relate to what you write here. It sucks to have to pay for enjoying ourselves. And it also sucks that so much planning has to go into doing something.

    I always find birthdays are tinged with sadness. I wish I didn’t see things that way but I can’t help it. I hope you had a good birthday and your body was kind to you in the day

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you 🙂 I I did manage to enjoy my birthday. I just about managed to last until midnight and then I was exhausted. I agree that birthdays now seem to be tinged with sadness. We become another year older and know there are so many things that we want to be doing but are not able to. I also wonder how I will feel a year from now on my next Birthday.
      Thank you for commenting. It is comforting to know that someone else feels the same 🙂
      Happy New year


  3. Well, we are all in the same boat, right? But we don’t have to lose our courage and our will to live or lives the best we can with our chronic illness!
    I know exactly this feeling having a party or maybe visiting a concert. But we can prepare about that and make it as much as comfortable for us.
    I’m a little bit excited about this weekend! I’m visiting a heavy metal concert in Hamburg. It’s quite a half-life that I visited a metal concert and I don’t know in which way it could turn…
    Fortunately, I have my dear husband with me who is at my side to make everything comfortable for me.
    I just want to thank you for your visit on my blog and I appreciate to be connected with you!
    Take care!
    – Emmi

    Liked by 1 person

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