Everything you want is on the other side of fear

Day 10

I can’t believe that it is almost the end of the second week and how much things have  changed in such a short period of time.  I have met such a lovely group of people that I hope to stay in contact with once the program is over. It is always good to know that there our other people out there that  understand without you having to explain. We may all come from different walks of life but, pain is something we all have in common no matter where we are from or how old we are. I am the youngest one on the program which i was a little bit worried about at  first as i wasn’t sure if i would be on the same wave length as everyone else however, i  soon realised that i had nothing to worry about. I have found the programs routine more beneficial than the actual sessions as getting up early and being productive whether it  be physically or mentally has been something that i haven’t really done for some time. I  found myself in a constant cycle of getting up late, beating myself up for wasting the day and then  struggling to feel motivated. As there is little that anyone can do for our pain,  the best thing to do is acknowledge how our conditions affect us but, still keep a close eye on our goals and challenge ourselves to take little steps towards them.

I found Fridays session completely different as I actually managed to relax during a  mindfulness session. We were asked to sit with out eyes closed and let our thoughts drift. As  they did this we imagined a dial on our leg that pointed to either the past, present or  future. As our minds drifted we focused on where our thoughts took us on this dial. For possibly the first time in 2 weeks my mind went almost completely blank where as usually i  feel bombarded with thoughts. I found myself thinking about the previous day and then automatically focusing on the sounds outside of the room at that moment. We were also asked to hold a cup of water and focus on what we could see, hear, taste, smell and feel. The idea was to ground us in the moment and focus on what is happening in the hear and now.

During our physio session we were given another opportunity to venture out. We had to do something that we would find challenging and may usually avoid. There is nothing really that I avoid there are just things that i don’t like doing as i know that they will wear me out and increase my pain. Nevertheless, me and a few others battled the crowds on Westminster bridge and went into a lovely cafe in Westminster abbey.

Our last OT of the week was more about how our habits can effect out sleep and  what small changes we can make to step towards a more restful sleep routine. I realised  that smoking before I go to bed and looking at my phone when i wake up during the night can really effect my sleep. We were given a sleep diary to fill out over the previous week that covered nights spent at the hospital and at home so that the OT could get a good indication of how well we sleep.

The staff let us finish early as a lot of people in the group do not live in London and would have had to battle through London rush hour if we had finished at the normal time. My boyfriend came to pick me up and we travelled back which thankfully only took about 30mins. After another long week it was nice to be home 🙂

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