So after 26 years the time finally came. I have finally moved out of my parents house with my fiance 😁. For some time i had been mentally ready to move out, have my own place and gain some independence but, due to ill health, i was unable to take the leap quite as soon as i had originally wanted to. However, my partner has made it all possible and we have started the new year somewhere new.
Moving out of your parents house can often be very difficult financially, especially when living in London, even just to rent. However, when you have a disability, this can add another road block as you have to take into consideration so much more and when working isn’t an option, benefits do not stretch far enough to make moving out a viable option. Over the past few years, i have searched for any advice or information on how to move out of your parents when disabled yet, the general consensus unfortunately seemed to be ‘If you are able to stay at home, then why bother to move’ which was pretty disheartening. Independence should be an option for everyone, no matter what your financial situation or abilities are. There was such little information to help guide people unless they have a well-paid job which sadly, just isn’t the case for many, disabled or otherwise. If the support provided for those that are able bodied, then what chance do those with health issues have?
One of the things i have found difficult about moving out is the fact that i have to financially rely on my partner. This is something i have struggled with since i stopped working but, the fact hits much harder when you have your own place to navigate, bills that need paying and a multitude of things that need to be bought. Now i was under no illusion that i would be able to match what Matthew contributes to the household but, it does still sadden me that my contributions will be so little in comparison. I know there is little i can do about my health which in turn has a massive effect on me financially however, when you watch someone work so hard to give you a home and everything that comes with that, you do wish that there was more you could do to help. Nevertheless, i will not let this get me down and i know that i need to remind myself that money doesn’t matter when it comes to a happy and healthy relationship.
I recently read a post talking about the guilt that a lot of chronically ill people feel when they are in a relationship due to feeling like they are unable to contribute as much as their able-bodied partner. However, in every relationship there is a lot of give and take and both people have so many different things to offer. There is no score board or one-upmanship as you both bring your own things to the table that make your relationship what it is. There is often such a focus on individuals physical abilities and actively ‘doing’ things that we forget that there is so much more to a person and your partner knows that. The bottom line is that we need to cut ourselves some slack (myself included) and remember that we are so much more than the money in our bank accounts.
However, on a lighter note, we have now been in our little place for almost 4 months and it is already feels like home. As we had bought everything to fully furnish the flat beforehand, we were able to unpack pretty much everything quite quickly and had a place for it. I cant express how satisfying it is to see both our visions for this place come together so well. We also timed the move really well as with everything that is going on at the moment, it has been really nice to have our own space and be away from the stresses of London.
Although 2020 isn’t panning out the way anyone expected, I am so grateful that we now have a space we can call our own, in a beautiful area where we can go for our 1 walk a day, with a garden where we can sit and enjoy the sun.
Stay safe and ill be back soon!